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Posts Tagged ‘risks’

Keeping It Safe

I feel really really sad these days.  Sadder than I usually am.  And just because I realized that I’m no longer what I want myself to be.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love myself the way I am.  It’s just that…. I’ve lost my edge.  This thing that made me feel like I’m “me” despite everything.

I’ve totally lost a part of me and I’m afraid I’ll never get it back.

I’ve noticed that lately, I’m afraid to take risks and be my crazy self.  I’m a more tame, but not exactly mature person.  I don’t fret about the being mature part because I’m getting there, slowly but surely.  But the tame part, I’m definitely worried about.  I don’t want to be tame.  I’m not tame.  I’m wild and crazy and confuzzling.  I like taking risks.  I like extreme things.  I’m exciting.  And I definitely don’t care what people think.  But that’s not the person I know I am right now.  I care too much about what others think.  I’m afraid of taking risks.  I no longer am adventurous.

I really have no idea why I suddenly became this.  The tameness was something that happened so slowly that when it progressed far enough to make a difference, I was blown away.  By how un-me I’ve become.  About how I feel like I’m a loser.

I really hope that someday soon, I’ll regain my confidence in my risk-taking abilities.

photo from http://www.skydiving.com

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