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Posts Tagged ‘love’

I was hanging out in school this morning and I heard this really cute thing from a guy friend.  He was saying it to his girlfriend who was sitting beside him.  It went something like this:

We’re opposites, we’re so different… that’s why we’re so perfect for each other.
Lagi tayong nag-aaway pero masaya pa rin.  (We’re always fighting but we’re still happy.)

I felt so happy for them.  Their naive and idealistic view of love and companionship was so touching.  I know that they’ve been through some things, so I know that what he said really means something. 

I used to think like them.  But as I grew up, I’ve learned a few things that has made me hesitant to pursue that kind of view.  Yeah, I was hesitant for a while but the hopeless romantic side of me persisted and won.  I still like the idea of falling in love, of loving someone forever, of growing old with someone.  I still hold on to the dream that one day, I’ll wake up and smile at the fact that I’m happily married to/living with a person who’s my friend, my lover, my confidant, my pillar, and all the other things that I also could be for him.  And it’s a dream that I know will come true.

So I’ll continue dreaming.  I’ll continue to experience love as I did when I was younger.  I hope that my two friends will also do the same.

Like The Beatles sang, “All we need is love.”

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My hormones are running wild because of my period.  And because of some illegal activity I engaged in last night.  I feel stupid for joining in… but it’s been a long time.  And I actually like doing the thing.  I guess my body just got shocked.  So now, I’m feeling pretty low.  Well, I’ve been feeling a lot lower last night… what with my unceasing crying and spiraling bad thoughts… and some boyfriend drama and wishful thinking.

I just need something to pick me up.  And since I can’t do all the things that make me feel grand, the next best thing is to imagine myself doing them and still feel grand.

Loving Me

1. Take a long, soothing, cold bath. Some people like hot baths.  I like cold baths.  No…. Actually, I love cold baths.  It’s so hot here in the Philippines that I just can’t stand hot baths.  Plus, they make my beloved hair brittle and prone to breakage.  Taking a good bath is my number one defense against bad days.  Even when I’m lazy when it comes to bathing.  Nothing beats a good cool bath to combat sadness.

2. Listen to my favorite bands. New Found Glory.  Motion City Soundtrack.  Dashboard Confessional.  Well, those so far since I haven’t completely rebuilt my music collection since the hard drive disaster.  Music always makes me feel better.

3. Sing out loud.  And proud. I know I have a good voice.  It’s not the best voice in the world but I’m proud of it.  When I feel low, I just put on my favorite songs and sing along.  My computer has this HD Realtek thing that can alter the audio output and make it into a karaoke song.  I had fun with it one afternoon when I was home alone.  I played Motion City Soundtrack songs and just sang and sand until I felt really better about myself.

4. Cook. Not that I’m a great cook.  But I feel happy at the thought that I’ve accomplished something.  There was this one night when I felt really bad and I was all alone, left to my hateful thoughts.  I decided to search for a garlic sauce recipe and actually make it.  So I searched and cooked and was satisfied.  I also made french fries to go with the sauce.  Yum!  The sauce actually turned out great.  Too much oregano, but great.  And my self-esteem also felt great after.

5. Wear my one and only heels. I love them.  And they make my lovely legs look even lovelier.

6. Blog.  Or blog hop. Nothing beats expressing my thoughts.  Except maybe reading other people’s thoughts.  I’ve actually fallen in love with this blog because it’s the most truthful blog I’ve ever kept.  Even if it’s only been several months.

7. Wear my battered Chuck Taylors. I’ve had them for three years now and they’re battered and “holey.”  But I love them.  They make me feel strong and fearless and totally me.  I’ve worn them with/to pretty much everything and everywhere.  These days, I refrain from wearing them during rainy days because of the many many holes on their sides.

8. Wear my favorite black bra. Good support.  Sexy.  Black.  I look hot.  I feel hot.

9. Get and/or give hugs. People should hug more.  That’s all I can say.

10. Watch anime. I forget my problems and go into this other world filled with so many colorful, weird, morbid, romantic and funny things.  An escapist move on my part but it works.  Sometimes I just need to get away.

11. Watching romantic comedies or just plain comedies. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.  Even if everything seems so hopeless, I know I’ll be fine if I can still laugh and smile.  Oh, and let’s not forget love…. All we need is love.  Love makes the world go round.  I believe that love (for myself, for others, for animals, for the world) will always make things better.

I guess that’s it for now.  I don’t really need expensive things or extravagant acts to make myself feel loved and happy.  I guess all I need are reminders of the things that make me “me.”

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I.

I know I still cling a bit to who I was in the past. So when I got the discographies of three bands that I like, I felt really really happy. I got the discography of FM Static, Dashboard Confessional and New Found Glory. Happy days!!! Now I can’t wait to download the other songs of bands that I’ve liked since high school senior year.

A brief rundown of the bands:

  • Bowling for Soup
  • Blink 182
  • The Starting Line
  • Brand New
  • Mest
  • Mxpx

There are still others but I don’t really recall them. =p

II.

It’s 3:15 am and I’m still awake. Still trying to make a presentation for a report on Dialects of America. I don’t know how this helps me and my classmates in our Socio-Psycholinguistics class. I wish we (me and my partner) did the report on Slang and Creoles.

III.

I hate how I love someone completely. It hurts. Especially the part about not knowing if we’ll really end up together. I know he wants kids. I don’t know if I can give him kids. I need a check up. He wants to move to Canada. I think I’ll follow him there. Or anywhere he wants to go. I want to be with him.

I hung out with him this afternoon and we were on his bed, lying down. I was lying on his chest and I could hear his heart beating. We had this short conversation:

Him: Hey gorgeous.
Me: Hey handsome.

Then he kissed me.

I really want that. Forever. I really really really want that.

IV.

Rainy nights are perfect.

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My Poetry and Fiction class is taking up different poetic forms.

This morning, we discussed the Ghazal, a poetic form that is makes use of the couplet. It is independent of any language. It talks about love, loss and sepatation; much like the themes talked about in the Blues, which is an African-American form of poety.

Our teacher presented this following ghazal to us. I think that is very sweet with some sexual innuendos that are very tastefully done. It speaks of a strong love for someone but ends with a hint longing, an acknowledgment that nothing is always sure and definite.

So, without further ado, here it is….

~*~

Ghazal

If I am the grass and you the breeze, blow through me.
If I am the rose and you the bird, then woo me.

If you are the rhyme and I the refrain, don’t hang
on my lips, come and I’ll come too when you cue me.

If yours is the iron fist in the velvet glove
when the arrow flies, the heart is pierced, tattoo me.

If mine is the venomous tongue, the serpent’s tail,
charmer, use your charm, weave a spell and subdue me.

If I am the laurel leaf in your crown, you are
the arms around my bark, arms that never knew me.

Oh would that I were bark! So old and still in leaf
And you, dropping in my shade, dew to bedew me!

What shape should I take to marry your own, have you
– hawk to my shadow, moth to my flame – pursue me?

If I rise in the east as you die in the west,
die for my sake, my love, every night renew me.

If, when it ends. we are just good friends, be my Friend,
muse, lover and guide, Shamsuddin to my Rumi.

Be heaven and earth to me and I’ll be twice the me
I am, if only half the world you are to me.

Mimi Khalvati

~*~

Credits:
(my training in Linguistics and Literature has made putting credits or sources second nature to me)

poem taken from http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=5140
photo taken from http://www.flickr.com/photos/millzero/2408535634/

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I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.

– Carrie Bradshaw –

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I reached this realization the hard way.  I had to endure a lot heartbreaks and breaking hearts.  And only when I loved myself did I truly understand what it means to be loved.  I stopped settling for less.  Now, I embrace the beautiful love that has been waiting for me for more than a year.

I can’t help but feel insecure towards the girls who star in my boyfriend’s pornos.  I know porn is just to stimulate the visual nature of men.  But still…. I can take all the pretty girls he encounters in real life.  I can stand seeing him turn his to check out a pretty lady.  But I just feel insecure when it comes to the Asian girls he likes to look at.  Porn is not real.  But the insecurity I feel is.  And I feel stupid for feeling the way I do.  I hope this phase ends soon.

photos taken from http://postsecret.blogspot.com

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You’re the echoes of my everything,
You’re the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You’re the laziness of afternoon,
You’re the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
You’re the leaky sink of sentiment,
You’re the failed attempts I never could forget.
You’re the metaphors I can’t create to comprehend this curse that I call love…

-Hold Me Down by Motion City Soundtrack-

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