Posts Tagged ‘love for self’

My hormones are running wild because of my period.  And because of some illegal activity I engaged in last night.  I feel stupid for joining in… but it’s been a long time.  And I actually like doing the thing.  I guess my body just got shocked.  So now, I’m feeling pretty low.  Well, I’ve been feeling a lot lower last night… what with my unceasing crying and spiraling bad thoughts… and some boyfriend drama and wishful thinking.

I just need something to pick me up.  And since I can’t do all the things that make me feel grand, the next best thing is to imagine myself doing them and still feel grand.

Loving Me

1. Take a long, soothing, cold bath. Some people like hot baths.  I like cold baths.  No…. Actually, I love cold baths.  It’s so hot here in the Philippines that I just can’t stand hot baths.  Plus, they make my beloved hair brittle and prone to breakage.  Taking a good bath is my number one defense against bad days.  Even when I’m lazy when it comes to bathing.  Nothing beats a good cool bath to combat sadness.

2. Listen to my favorite bands. New Found Glory.  Motion City Soundtrack.  Dashboard Confessional.  Well, those so far since I haven’t completely rebuilt my music collection since the hard drive disaster.  Music always makes me feel better.

3. Sing out loud.  And proud. I know I have a good voice.  It’s not the best voice in the world but I’m proud of it.  When I feel low, I just put on my favorite songs and sing along.  My computer has this HD Realtek thing that can alter the audio output and make it into a karaoke song.  I had fun with it one afternoon when I was home alone.  I played Motion City Soundtrack songs and just sang and sand until I felt really better about myself.

4. Cook. Not that I’m a great cook.  But I feel happy at the thought that I’ve accomplished something.  There was this one night when I felt really bad and I was all alone, left to my hateful thoughts.  I decided to search for a garlic sauce recipe and actually make it.  So I searched and cooked and was satisfied.  I also made french fries to go with the sauce.  Yum!  The sauce actually turned out great.  Too much oregano, but great.  And my self-esteem also felt great after.

5. Wear my one and only heels. I love them.  And they make my lovely legs look even lovelier.

6. Blog.  Or blog hop. Nothing beats expressing my thoughts.  Except maybe reading other people’s thoughts.  I’ve actually fallen in love with this blog because it’s the most truthful blog I’ve ever kept.  Even if it’s only been several months.

7. Wear my battered Chuck Taylors. I’ve had them for three years now and they’re battered and “holey.”  But I love them.  They make me feel strong and fearless and totally me.  I’ve worn them with/to pretty much everything and everywhere.  These days, I refrain from wearing them during rainy days because of the many many holes on their sides.

8. Wear my favorite black bra. Good support.  Sexy.  Black.  I look hot.  I feel hot.

9. Get and/or give hugs. People should hug more.  That’s all I can say.

10. Watch anime. I forget my problems and go into this other world filled with so many colorful, weird, morbid, romantic and funny things.  An escapist move on my part but it works.  Sometimes I just need to get away.

11. Watching romantic comedies or just plain comedies. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.  Even if everything seems so hopeless, I know I’ll be fine if I can still laugh and smile.  Oh, and let’s not forget love…. All we need is love.  Love makes the world go round.  I believe that love (for myself, for others, for animals, for the world) will always make things better.

I guess that’s it for now.  I don’t really need expensive things or extravagant acts to make myself feel loved and happy.  I guess all I need are reminders of the things that make me “me.”


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I don’t know what to say about that night when I wanted to feel like a princess.

I felt so pretty and confident and excited when I was getting ready.  And when I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up.  But for a huge part of the night, I felt depressed and ugly.  I remember feeling so horribly panicked and emotional.  I remember wanting to bawl right in the middle of the party, with all the people around me having fun.

I’m not really sure what made me feel that way but I have a few theories:

1. My boyfriend didn’t compliment me.  At all. I was really hoping that he’d say something nice about me that night.  Actually, I’ve been wanting him to notice me for the past couple of weeks before that night.  But he never failed to not compliment me or say anything nice about me.  I felt neglected and unappreciated by him.  And to add insult to injury, he kept commenting on how dressed up other people were or how nice this girl looked and stuff.  But he never said anything about me!

2. The beauty pageant contestants made me feel insecure. Well, okay.  So they didn’t really make me feel insecure.  I allowed myself to feel like I was less than them.  But like I said in the previous item, my boyfriend seemed to notice them more than me.  And that really sucks.

3. I wasn’t feeling so confident that night. Now, I really tried to psych myself up for that night.  I’ve been talking to myself and telling myself that “You are a beautiful, independent and powerful woman.”  I conditioned my mind not to compare myself to other girls.  Maybe I was too focused on that event that I failed to see the bigger picture of trying to be more confident and trusting in myself.

Well,  thankfully, I recovered fast that night.  And in retrospect, I think that I did feel like a princess despite the few minutes of insecurity and self-hate.  I was able to do that easily when I forced myself to look into my heart and see the beauty and love inside.  I didn’t tell my boyfriend about what happened to me that night.  I never showed him the eyes that filled with tears for a few seconds.  I bounced back because of me.

I was a princess that night.

And I still am a princess. Today, tomorrow, and for every single day that I spend alive in this world.

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