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My Poetry and Fiction class is taking up different poetic forms.

This morning, we discussed the Ghazal, a poetic form that is makes use of the couplet. It is independent of any language. It talks about love, loss and sepatation; much like the themes talked about in the Blues, which is an African-American form of poety.

Our teacher presented this following ghazal to us. I think that is very sweet with some sexual innuendos that are very tastefully done. It speaks of a strong love for someone but ends with a hint longing, an acknowledgment that nothing is always sure and definite.

So, without further ado, here it is….

~*~

Ghazal

If I am the grass and you the breeze, blow through me.
If I am the rose and you the bird, then woo me.

If you are the rhyme and I the refrain, don’t hang
on my lips, come and I’ll come too when you cue me.

If yours is the iron fist in the velvet glove
when the arrow flies, the heart is pierced, tattoo me.

If mine is the venomous tongue, the serpent’s tail,
charmer, use your charm, weave a spell and subdue me.

If I am the laurel leaf in your crown, you are
the arms around my bark, arms that never knew me.

Oh would that I were bark! So old and still in leaf
And you, dropping in my shade, dew to bedew me!

What shape should I take to marry your own, have you
– hawk to my shadow, moth to my flame – pursue me?

If I rise in the east as you die in the west,
die for my sake, my love, every night renew me.

If, when it ends. we are just good friends, be my Friend,
muse, lover and guide, Shamsuddin to my Rumi.

Be heaven and earth to me and I’ll be twice the me
I am, if only half the world you are to me.

Mimi Khalvati

~*~

Credits:
(my training in Linguistics and Literature has made putting credits or sources second nature to me)

poem taken from http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=5140
photo taken from http://www.flickr.com/photos/millzero/2408535634/

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Princess Tissue Girl

I don’t know what to say about that night when I wanted to feel like a princess.

I felt so pretty and confident and excited when I was getting ready.  And when I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up.  But for a huge part of the night, I felt depressed and ugly.  I remember feeling so horribly panicked and emotional.  I remember wanting to bawl right in the middle of the party, with all the people around me having fun.

I’m not really sure what made me feel that way but I have a few theories:

1. My boyfriend didn’t compliment me.  At all. I was really hoping that he’d say something nice about me that night.  Actually, I’ve been wanting him to notice me for the past couple of weeks before that night.  But he never failed to not compliment me or say anything nice about me.  I felt neglected and unappreciated by him.  And to add insult to injury, he kept commenting on how dressed up other people were or how nice this girl looked and stuff.  But he never said anything about me!

2. The beauty pageant contestants made me feel insecure. Well, okay.  So they didn’t really make me feel insecure.  I allowed myself to feel like I was less than them.  But like I said in the previous item, my boyfriend seemed to notice them more than me.  And that really sucks.

3. I wasn’t feeling so confident that night. Now, I really tried to psych myself up for that night.  I’ve been talking to myself and telling myself that “You are a beautiful, independent and powerful woman.”  I conditioned my mind not to compare myself to other girls.  Maybe I was too focused on that event that I failed to see the bigger picture of trying to be more confident and trusting in myself.

Well,  thankfully, I recovered fast that night.  And in retrospect, I think that I did feel like a princess despite the few minutes of insecurity and self-hate.  I was able to do that easily when I forced myself to look into my heart and see the beauty and love inside.  I didn’t tell my boyfriend about what happened to me that night.  I never showed him the eyes that filled with tears for a few seconds.  I bounced back because of me.

I was a princess that night.

And I still am a princess. Today, tomorrow, and for every single day that I spend alive in this world.

Are You Ready?

I tremble at the thought of my boyfriend reading my blog. I’m comfortable in his presence, and I love him and all that… but having him know my innermost thoughts, insecurities and dreams? I don’t know if our relationship is at that level. I don’t know if he’ll look at me the same way after he finds out that I want so much more from him, from myself and from my life.

He must know that I am so much more than what I show to the world. I know he doesn’t assume to know me completely. Even I don’t know me completely.

When I’m ready, I’ll let him in on this secret blog.

I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.

– Carrie Bradshaw –

I Found More Books!

I was looking through our unused room in the house and I found more books that I’d like to read.

  • Shogun by James Clavelle (reread)
  • Noble House by James Clavelle
  • Running Without Fear
  • The Eye of the Needle by Thomas Walsh July 27, 2008
  • Prose and Poetry of Nick Joaquin, a local writer

I reached this realization the hard way.  I had to endure a lot heartbreaks and breaking hearts.  And only when I loved myself did I truly understand what it means to be loved.  I stopped settling for less.  Now, I embrace the beautiful love that has been waiting for me for more than a year.

I can’t help but feel insecure towards the girls who star in my boyfriend’s pornos.  I know porn is just to stimulate the visual nature of men.  But still…. I can take all the pretty girls he encounters in real life.  I can stand seeing him turn his to check out a pretty lady.  But I just feel insecure when it comes to the Asian girls he likes to look at.  Porn is not real.  But the insecurity I feel is.  And I feel stupid for feeling the way I do.  I hope this phase ends soon.

photos taken from http://postsecret.blogspot.com