Princess Tissue Girl

I don’t know what to say about that night when I wanted to feel like a princess.

I felt so pretty and confident and excited when I was getting ready.  And when I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up.  But for a huge part of the night, I felt depressed and ugly.  I remember feeling so horribly panicked and emotional.  I remember wanting to bawl right in the middle of the party, with all the people around me having fun.

I’m not really sure what made me feel that way but I have a few theories:

1. My boyfriend didn’t compliment me.  At all. I was really hoping that he’d say something nice about me that night.  Actually, I’ve been wanting him to notice me for the past couple of weeks before that night.  But he never failed to not compliment me or say anything nice about me.  I felt neglected and unappreciated by him.  And to add insult to injury, he kept commenting on how dressed up other people were or how nice this girl looked and stuff.  But he never said anything about me!

2. The beauty pageant contestants made me feel insecure. Well, okay.  So they didn’t really make me feel insecure.  I allowed myself to feel like I was less than them.  But like I said in the previous item, my boyfriend seemed to notice them more than me.  And that really sucks.

3. I wasn’t feeling so confident that night. Now, I really tried to psych myself up for that night.  I’ve been talking to myself and telling myself that “You are a beautiful, independent and powerful woman.”  I conditioned my mind not to compare myself to other girls.  Maybe I was too focused on that event that I failed to see the bigger picture of trying to be more confident and trusting in myself.

Well,  thankfully, I recovered fast that night.  And in retrospect, I think that I did feel like a princess despite the few minutes of insecurity and self-hate.  I was able to do that easily when I forced myself to look into my heart and see the beauty and love inside.  I didn’t tell my boyfriend about what happened to me that night.  I never showed him the eyes that filled with tears for a few seconds.  I bounced back because of me.

I was a princess that night.

And I still am a princess. Today, tomorrow, and for every single day that I spend alive in this world.